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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25747021">No More</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ya_zzzz/pseuds/ya_zzzz'>ya_zzzz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, barba speaks a lil Spanish in this, breaking point, fem|reader, fight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:21:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,553</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25747021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ya_zzzz/pseuds/ya_zzzz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sleepless nights turn into days, months. Your partner was always working whilst you stayed home and wondered if everything was going to work out fine... maybe it was time for a break...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rafael Barba/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No More</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24424966">Promises - Rafael Barba</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherrykinss/pseuds/Sherrykinss">Sherrykinss</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>God, since rewatching SVU, Rafael has me feeling something...</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Rafa,” you started, seeing your boyfriend tightening his tie in the hallway. “Rafa, please listen to me.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t, I’m going to be late.” He grabbed his coat from the hook and threw it over his shoulders, his briefcase closed in his hand. “We’ll talk tonight, ok?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You only nodded, watching the man leave the apartment, the door closing gently behind him. The air around you stilled as you stood there, still looking at the door. Things weren’t going well lately, and you believed Rafael didn’t see it. He was always working, so you rarely saw him; even on his days off, all he’d do is prepare for the following day, giving you little to no attention. Maybe he didn’t mean it, but you weren’t so sure anymore. Each time you tried to talk to him, he’d say he was tired, or he’d talk tomorrow, or he was in his home office prepping for court. It was one of those things you were beginning to hate. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it was time to end the relationship with him. You had been with him for over two years now, and gradually over time, you began to lose touch with him. It could be the best thing to happen, he’ll get on with his life, nothing would’ve changed… whereas you… you’d be distraught, hopelessly crying. Those endless nights thinking about him, work would be slower than ever before. You’d be alone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Alone…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Could you ever think about your life without him? He was the best thing to happen since you thought your life came tumbling down, but he caught you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Quite literally too.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He brought you back up on two feet and you fell in love with him. You were </span>
  <em>
    <span>still </span>
  </em>
  <span>in love with him too. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If things keep going how they are, you knew it wouldn’t last anymore. You knew you’d have to part ways and hope to god that you’d find someone else. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You learned to love him. You knew he’d be working a lot, but you grew accustomed to it, scheduling things so they fit around his schedule. You switched your hours at work just to spend time with him at his apartment. You changed your lifestyle to fit his.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now you were alone with your thoughts. Shaking your head, you turn on your heels to get dressed for a day of productivity. You kept the apartment clean and tidy, reducing Rafael’s workload significantly. The cupboards and fridge were always full of groceries so he’d always have something to eat when he came home instead of ordering food in which he used to do weekly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was almost like you were his maid. You’d make sure everything was clean and tidy, bed made, dishes washed and dried, laundry cleaned and folded; all while he was working. He’d come home, occasionally make some food before he’d either carry on with some work he brought with him, have sex with you or sleep. It was an endless cycle that bored it’s way into your mind. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You started with the laundry, separating the colours and darks, piling them in their groups. Picking up the coloured pile, you made your way to the washing machine and dumped the load inside. The detergent was next and you put the load on for an hour or so. You never kept count, just press the start button and wait. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A sudden thought pierced your mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What’s the point of doing this? He won’t care…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Your face dropped, the thought actually making sense. He wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t even realise it. He never commented on it, instead carrying on with work or sleeping. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It hurt you. He hurt you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You sighed, walking away from the machine and grabbing your coat. Slipping your shoes on afterwards, you leave the apartment, finally getting that breath of fresh air and to clear your mind. The walk may be of help to you, the wind caressing your face, but you knew by the time you got back, everything would come crashing  down again. It could be time to walk away from your lover, but could you bring yourself to actually do it? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>—</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After a few hours of wandering the streets, window shopping and stopping by a café for some tea, you returned home. Rafael was due home within the next two hours, so you had enough time to think on how break it to him. Or, attempt to talk to him. You hoped that it wouldn’t come down to this, but you need to tell him that you’re not happy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Throwing your coat on the hook by the door, you kicked your shoes off and stepped towards the living room, flopping down on the sofa. With your head hanging off the back, you stare at the ceiling, contemplating. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Rafael, I love you… I love you so much that it’s killing me. I can’t do this anymore. You’re away from home all the time and you bring it back here. You’ve basically married your job… I can’t go on living like an outcast here in your world. You rarely notice the work that I’ve done. It’s like I’m working for you as some sort of house maid. I’m tired, Rafael. I’m really tired. Eventually I’m gonna fall out of love with you, and I don’t want that. You mean everything to me. You mean the world to me, yet I’m almost invisible to you. The only reason I stuck by for this long was because of my love- too cheesy… I want us to work, Rafael, I really do. I want to help you. I want us to be together… I want us to be a family… an actual couple. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The ceiling’s white paint was slowly going black as your eyes closed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Please… Rafael… please listen to me tonight. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You sat there for what seemed like an eternity; your head snapping to the door every few minutes, waiting for him to return home. Every part of you was hesitating, your body slowly trembling, heart beating faster with every passing minute. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Taking in a deep breath, you finally stand, heading to the bathroom to wash the days grime off. To wash away the anxiety. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The water was warm as it hit your body, each droplet kissing your skin before falling to the drain below. You let the water hit your face, the thoughts drifting away with the water. You stood there, letting the water gently attack you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Washing your hair, you raked your fingers through the strands, completely covering your head with bubbles. The scent of apples filled the bathroom as you began to wash your body. With each gentle scrub, your mind fluttered to Rafael’s arms around your body. You missed his surprise hugs, the fingers circling your stomach or sides. You missed the playfulness in his voice as he whispered sweet nothings into your ear. You stopped scrubbing, arms falling to your sides. Your mind wandered to the very first time you met.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You came to the courthouse to support your friend during her testimony. Once it was over, you both decided to get coffee. She rushed ahead, leaving you behind on the stairs. Once you reached the bottom, the news reporters kerfuffle had made you trip, to which Rafael had caught you. He had this awkward smile on his face, trying to stop himself from laughing. You smiled at him, thanking him. Everyday during your friend's trial, you’d always see him inside the courthouse, or outside talking to detectives. On the final day of the trial, your friend pushed you forward to get his number… So you did. From there on out, you two met up for coffee after he was finished working. Sometimes you’d visit him in his office to surprise him with said coffee. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, he asked you out, stumbling over his words. It made you giggle, the strong worded Rafael Barba was finding it difficult to form the sentence. Of course, you said yes…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And here you are now. Tears falling from your cheeks, naked in the shower with a bubbly head and bubble coated body. The man you loved isn’t the same man anymore. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With a sniffle, you put yourself back under the water, rinsing the bubbles off your head and body. Each thought made your hands move harsher, the scratching beginning to irritate your scalp. It took you a moment to collect yourself before you finished, turning the water off. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Five minutes had passed before you realised you were still standing under the shower head. You sighed deeply, stepping out and grabbing a towel. Wrapping yourself up with it, you walk out of the bathroom and head towards the bedroom. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>From there, you changed into some loose clothing, mindful to not wear one of his shirts that you loved. You could feel your heart breaking. You just wanted things to work out, and you were sure as hell gonna try as hard as you could… if only it was that simple. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You heard the front door being opened and then closed, a thud against the floor as he dropped his briefcase. You wandered out into the hallway and saw Rafael taking off his coat and shoes. The anxiety you thought you washed away was bubbling back up inside of you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He rolled up his sleeves, his tanned arms tensed up as he unbuttoned his top button of his shirt. His blazer was thrown onto the chair as he started to walk towards the bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rafael.” Watching him turn, you sit down on the sofa. “We need to talk.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can’t it-“ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“[y/n], I’m tired.” He drifted past you, continuing to head towards the same bedroom. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rafael Barba.” Standing on your feet, the anger apparent in your cheeks. You saw his back tense up, the waistcoat stretching across his shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Like a kid getting in trouble, he stopped walking freezing in his spot, slowly turning to face you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You said we could talk when you got home. You’re home and I need to talk to you.” You hated being this harsh with your own words. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, [y/n], not now.” His face dropped a little as he undid the buttons of his waistcoat hesitantly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Rafael. Now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He ignored you, turning on his heels and heading towards the bedroom again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t do this anymore.” You choked back on your tears. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” He suddenly stopped, head almost snapping back to face you. “[y/n], what do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t play stupid… I can’t do this.. we can’t do this. It hurts…” the tears fell. “You’re away all the time and barely acknowledge me anymore…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“[y/n]...” slowly, he approached you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Rafael… please… just listen to me before you say anything…” wiping your cheeks with the back of your hand, you sit back down, legs crossed. “I feel like you don’t love me anymore. Most days when you’re at work and I’m here, I make sure everything’s clean and tidy, so you don’t have to do anything when you get back… I know your job, always stressful and draining, but you never come home and relax. Sometimes you bring it home and completely ignore me. Rafael, it hurts…” You could barely look at him, instead your head looking at your hands resting on your lap. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I want us to be happy, but it’s always about you. You’ve cancelled so many lunches that we planned together days, even weeks prior. You even cancelled our two year anniversary.” There was a small gasp as Rafael listened. “I’m more like your maid than your girlfriend. I love you, Rafael, I really do, but all of this is hurting me…” you sobbed, wiping the new fallen tears away. “You mean the world to me,” looking up, you awkwardly smile. “You mean everything to me.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael, who was sitting on the coffee table opposite you, had been crying with you. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks rosy. You reached for his hands, taking them in your own, slowly rubbing your thumbs over his knuckles. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Rafael… you’re always working, so you wouldn’t notice this. You haven’t noticed it. I really want us to work out. I want us to be happy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know…” he coughed, looking down at his feet. “[y/n], lo siento… I’m so very sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Both of you stayed silent for a few seconds, the sobbing subsiding. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“[y/n], I want to change. I want to make you happy… please… you mean everything to me too. God…” his cheeks got redder by the second, the embarrassment rising. “Por favor… let me change for you. You’ve done enough for me… it’s my turn. Señorita [y/n], I love you. Don’t let that silly little mind of yours think otherwise. I know I haven’t been the best lately, but I’m going to make that up to you. Te lo prometo.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You awkward smile made a comeback as you looked at him. His hands made their way up to your cheeks, caressing your face gently. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Te quiero, [y/n]. I love you so very much.” He leaned in and kissed your lips gently. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You mean that?” You question quietly as he pulls back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. And I mean it every time I say it. You’ve done so much for me, you’ve taken care of me. It’s my turn to take care of you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His phone broke the conversation as it started ringing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And it starts now.” He silences the phone, throwing it next to you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wasn’t that important?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not anymore. Listen, [y/n], as much as my work is important, you’re more so. J-Just, tell me one thing…” he stutters.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How long has this been going on for? The whole, feeling unworthy?” He stands up, pulling you by your arms. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Too long…” before you let him say anything else, you wrap your arms around his back, holding onto him tightly. “Rafael… when was the last you hugged me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I… uh…” his arms caressed your lower back, his chin resting on your shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That's how long this has been going on for. I just didn’t know when to say all of this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry…” he kisses your neck, one hand stroking your hair. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Promise me one thing.” You buried your head into his chest, hands gripping the back of his waistcoat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Take me out to dinner tomorrow?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I felt that.” He noted how a smile suddenly appeared on your face. “Yes, of course, but only if you wear that dress you said you didn’t have the confidence in wearing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, that’s not fair.” Your smile got bigger, the tears had long stopped falling. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“[y/n]?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Rafa?” You look up at him as he looks down to you. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Please don’t call me by my full name like that again.” He smiled, kissing your forehead. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You laughed, holding onto him just a little bit tighter. “Sure.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Besides, I like it more when you call me Señor Barba.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Your cheeks flushed red as you internally squealed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, [y/n].” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too, Rafael.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With rosy cheeks, you lean up to kiss him. His grip on your back got tighter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His phone rang again, but the pair of you didn’t hear it as you were being carried to the bedroom with Rafael groaning your name against your neck.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You haven’t lost him just yet.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please don’t hurt me like that again Sherrykinss... (fr tho, go check their work out!)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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